Undoing the Sin of Eve by becoming the “Apple of God’s Eye”

This post will recount my personal experience of facing Sin (Original,Generational and Personal). I will attempt to outline the path where Jesus became a “lamp unto my feet” and step by step brought my sins and sinful behaviors into His Light as He shined His Face upon me.

I will attempt to recount how the words of Luke 4: 18-19, 20 came alive in my heart and foundational in my life. It was if i were right there in the synagogue hearing Jesus, as he read the words from Isaiah, out loud: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord… Today this Scripture passage is fulfilled on your hearing.” His Word began to become “flesh” within my heart. Jesus brought glad tidings to me. Just like the angels brought to the shepeherds on the day Jesus was born. He proclaimed liberty to my captive soul. I began to see my life from a different perspective: one rooted in Truth, rather than someone’s perception of the Truth. It became clear to me that I had lived life behind “invisible” prison bars in a cell within an unseen interior dungeon. My spirituality was a combination of what I had inherited, what I gleaned in my day-to-day life experience and what I tried to live based on what I was being taught from the world around me. These three universes had very little common ground. Much of my creative energy was spent trying to manage these three universes that drove my life, rather than direct my life energy to becoming the woman God created me to be. My “disordered” spirituality drained me of power, rather than being a source from which I could draw power. This seemed perfectly natural. The only “state of being” that I had ever known was one where the power source was outside of me and under someone else’s “control”. I wore many hats and assumed many roles which had the effect of divding and conquering me from within. This also seemed perfectly natural. I worked endlessly and exhaustively and bore very little “kingdom” fruit. I was 47 years old, I had taught for 25 years, I had been married for 27 years ( separated, divorced, reunited with the same husband), completely flat on my back (due to herniated discs and sciatica), with nothing more to give. My “perfectly natural ” way of living had led me to nature’s natural way of when life ends: DEATH. Yet I was still alive and breathing. The time had come for me to learn how to live life in a whole new way, a supernatural Way. I had a personal enocunter with God, the Holy Spirit. He opened a path for me to to develop a relationship with God the Son. Jesus took me by the hand, (St. Thomas Aquinas describes this as “manducat Dominum” in the hymn, Panis Angelicus. ) walked with me, shared his relationship life with me and through my relationship with God the Son, I came to know God, the Father. As I walked the Way with Jesus, I began to recover my sight. I became less “blind” and less “deaf.” My oppression began to lift and my life began to reflect a life “acceptable to the Lord.”

The consequences of “eating the apple” ( the sin of Eve) began to be reversed. I was being changed into “the apple of God’s eye.” I heard the words, “You are the apple of my eye. I delight in you.” I began to “enter in” more fully to the “Dance of the Trinity.” The words of the Our Father were beginning to happpen right in front of my eyes: “the kingdom was coming the more that God’s will was done on earth as it is in heaven.”

© Curran & Associates

Taste and See the Goodness of the Lord

This post will reveal in anecdotal form the story of Grace in my life from the moment of personal encounter with the Holy Spirit ( my own “personal” Pentecost). I had what I call a “St. Paul” experience where I was knocked off my spiritual horse and walked wround “dazed” until the Lord made the next steps clear. This happened in Spring of 1995 and opened the doors to the Lord’s Banquet Hall where I could taste and see the goodness of the Lord for the first time in my life.

© Curran & Associates

Anorexia of the Holy Spirit (Starving for God’s Grace)

This post will develop how Addiction forges a spirituality that engenders, cultivates and grows more addiction. Addiction is a spirituality of emptiness which thrives on shame-based behaviors. Relationship universes that are addiction-based enslave its people and draw them into deeper and deeper bondage. Truth is relative and incomplete.

Relationship systems that have addiction and codependence at their center are only capable of generating relationships that mirror itself. The dynamic that our Creator, God built into humanity, “to co-create with Him in the power of the Holy Spirit” has been replaced with one devised by God’s arch enemy, Satan, the destroyer of life. The dynamic he has implanted into humanity is to “co-divide” and to reduce and weaken man’s spirit and resolve through seducing him and setting up a system of addiction within him, instead of a system rooted in freedom which is God’s plan.

Dr. Gerald May has written a book. Addiction and Grace, which traces the origins of Addiction to Original Sin. The addicted man is really seeking God in his God-substitute, which is his drug of choice. This drug takes many forms: physical substances or spiritual substances such as the need to control relationships, lust for power, covetousness of another’s goods or spouse or friendships, envy of another’s worldly goods or spiritual goods, to name a few. Half a truth is a whole “lie.” The driving force of addiction-based universes is to keep the fires of addiction burning. Blazing if possible. Addiction weakens man’s freedom. The weaker the freedom, the less power the addict has and the more he craves to fill the hole within him. This is the wholke goal of addiction: to keep man dependent and to keep him “under control.” Lying as a way of life become the unconscious norm. “Protecting the secrets” and denying the Truth become TOP priority. In fact they are the only priority. Eventually The addict will prostitute himself and his principles to get the next “fix,” no matter what. He will insist that this is normal. Nothing out of the ordinary is happening. His mind will lie to him and tell him that everything is just as it should be. The tempted man listens to the lie that his mind tells him just as Eve listened to the lie that the serpent told her. It feels so good. It comforts. It takes away the pain. It makes him feel good and right-ordered and powerful. And then the Truth makes itself known. The consequences of Original Sin include loss of man’s direct connection with the heart of God. Man must leave the Garden of Paradise which was created by God to be his home. Addiction is part of the fallout of the Original Sin. And when we bite the apple of our own addiction, we continue our exile from the heart of God and take ourselves farther away finding our way back to the homeland from which we were banished because of sin. Today’s Promised Land is the place where our souls find rest in God alone and where we are onca again “one in heart” with our Creator.

The only way to Freedom is through the Light of Truth which opens the door to living in Humility, which is the atmosphere of the Holy Trinity.

 

© Curran & Associates

The Covenant was made for man, not man for the Covenant

This post will develop God’s call to mankind to live in Covenant relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The Life for which God created man and woman will only be realized through living the Covenant relaitonship withGod and with each other.

© Curran & Associates

The hell-fires of Original Sin devour the hearts of God’s children from Adam and Eve through Today

This post will develop the effects of Original Sin as a foundation for my fall from holiness. The Story of Sin in my life brings to Light the master plan of the prince of darkness to keep me from claiming my inheritance as God’s beloved daughter. Baptism in the Spirit, ongoing repentance, deeper conversion has moved me from the strangleholds of the kingdom of darkness to the nurturing radiance of the Kingdom of the Beloved Son.

9.13.06

Original Sin is the sin committed by our parents, Adam and Eve, As a daughter of Eve, I inherited the fallout of the Original Sin, a fallen nature which now includes the darkening of my intellect, a damaged connection between me and the heart of God, as well as receving as my birthright a humanity that is under the dominion of the world, the flesh and the devil.

The way I see things, when Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit, man and woman went from living a “heart-centered” life in God in the Garden to a human-will centered life “out of theGarden.” Where before there was God’s Presence as the power source of the human heart, with Original Sin, the human heart would know only God’s Absence. Talk about the difference between day and night. This Absence created a void or hole in the human being and made him vulnerable and almost defenseless to the the world, the flesh and the devil. The supernatural inner union with God was no longer man’s natural state. Like newborns, man and woman were incapable of living the only life they had known: life in the Garden of Paradise,on their own. They were now exiles and were going to have to learn how to make a life for themselves, for the first time.

© Curran & Associates

Interior Dungeon to Interior Castle: from codependence with the world, the flesh and the devil to Dependence on God

Codependence → Independence→Interdependence→Dependence on God

As I begin writing this spiritual autobiography, the canticle that the Blessed Mother sang from the depths of her soul when she went to visit Elizabeth comes to mind. The Magnificat is recorded in the first chapter of Luke’s Gospel. The depths of my being echo Mary’s very words: “The Lord who is mighty has done great things for me and Holy is His Name.”

During my early childhood, the Creator’s image and likeness was stamped out and replaced with images and likenesses that reflected the wishes and desires of men, especially my parents. My belief is that the very same thing happened to each of them. The spirituality of our home did not have God at the center. We spent a lot of time going to Church; our religion was God-centered but our spirituality was worldly, appearance-based, attention-seeking. . The “domestic church” was not a concept we embraced in our home. Both parents did the best they could given the damged childhoods they endured. They were addicted to many things, one they shared was addiction to alcohol.

A dear friend tells a story about hearing the voice of a spirit that was being cast out of a young woman during a deliverance session. The voice said, “You may have gotten rid of me, but I have forever destroyed the face of Jesus Christ within this young woman.” An image came to his mind of a mirror that had been shattered into many slivers with Light moving on the broken slivers. This story resonated deep within me. it took me a couple of years to realize that I had suffered similar damage. My denial mechanisms are pretty powerful because I need them so to survive. The “disfiguring” of the face of Christ happened to all the children in my family and the way I see it has been happening for generations. Abuse couched as discipline created a climate of fear. We children learned early on that we had no power or say. We were slaves to the dictates of the system. This certainly set the stage for living my life with disordered priorities. People-pleasing came first. My childhood survival system forged a way to live life centered on pleasing others, especially my parents. God-pleasing, as a conscious choice, came only after the desires of my parents were met. As I recount the chapters of my life’s story, I will attempt to show how the traumas of early childhood set me on a life-course centered on people-pleasing as part of ny survival system. I would not become aware of the “colateral damage” done to me and by me to others for a good forty years after the damage had been done. Not until then would I be able to begin to dismantle this way of living even though I struggled with it from the very beginning. When I began to see what had happened, I had to break completely with the old way and wait on the Lord to lead and teach me His Way. I needed to be born again of water and the Spirit. The re-birthing process took 10 years. I surrendered all that I was–in the hope that I could become the person God created me to be. The time for me to pick pick up my cross and lay down my life had arrived. Step by step , He led me and I learned to follow him, over time. . I shrunk from what faced me. I fell a thousand times or more. I made many, mistakes and took many mis-steps. This path was literally “killing” me. Looking back I see that it was the only way for the “me of me” to finally be set free. At the time, however, it felt as if the exact opposite were happening. I felt like I was dying. the reality is I was beginning to Live. The journey from darkness to Light begian by my being set free from the prison of Codependence (my mind’s “implanted” operating system system) to the freedom of Independence (as a human being) to the communion of Interdependence (with other human beings) to a relationship of total Dependence (on God for all things.)

Codependence → Independence→Interdependence→Dependence on God

© Curran & Associates

Living Life as an unfolding Mystery (rather than as a mythology orchestrated by the false “gods” of this world)

8/17/06

Myth to Mystery is a personal story, a testimony about the Presence of God in my life. It recounts how God’s “Amazing Grace” moved me from living a life permeated with “shining darkness” as a child born into a family system rooted in addiction to one where the Glory of God shines like the noonday sun.

I have learned that being “present to Presence” (St. Teresa of Avila) is the gateway to living a life that invites Transformation, Transfiguration, with the ultimate goal of personal transubstantiation. God’s plan is for me to become His child just like Jesus is His Son. God the Father created me in His image and likeness and His desire is to re-create me (every day of my life) until I become just like His eternally begotten Son. The Mystery of God’s Love invites all His children to recover the unfolding mystery life—in Him. Identity in Him frees us to be who He created us to be: His Beloved Child in whome He is well pleased.

My top priority and my life’s mission is to recover the ground lost to my husband and my children because I, the mother of our family lived a divided life. The fact that it was un-intentional, unconscious and un-thought does not matter one bit. (Murder is murder whether it’s pre-meditated or not.) Neal Lozano would use the words: “responsible-but not to blame.” The force behind my double life is the “ father of lies, ” the murderer of all murderers. Because God who is mighty has done great things for me, my desire is to reveal the evil one for the deceiver that he is, incapable of Truth.

In the words of St. Ireneus, the Glory of God is man fully human, fully alive. My story is about me becoming fully human, fully alive. It’s a story about being brought back to life (like Lazarus) through the presence of the Glory of God. God’s Glory draws my darkness into His Light and God’s Mercy fills me to overflowing and heals me of my iniquity (past and present). . I’m learning for the first time in my life to “ trust” God and to develop confidence in the Father’s Love. I’m learning not to hesitate to run to “ Abba, Father” whose Provision includes the whole of my earthly life, from the moment of my conception until I take my last breath. Thanks to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I have recovered what was missing within me. I’m able to look at the Story of Sin in my life, to take responsibility for my actions-past and present and to begin making reparation for all “I have done and all that I have failed to do.” I no longer rationalize my transgressions and sweep them under the rug of my conscience. With the help of the Blessed Mother and the Holy Spirit, I’m “cleaning house.” I’m learning that God’s plan for me from all eternity is to be a living temple for His Holy Spirit. Jesus stands at the door and knocks, the Holy Spirit prepares the Feast so that all three can abide in me! As I cooperate with God’s Grace, I’m being made ready for all eternity.

It’s taken me a good eleven years to plough through all the spiritual detritus that clogged my pipes due to living a life with a conscience formed in mortal sin. I see so very clearly how I accommodated and grew a kingdom of darkness and denial and earnestly believed that this was the only way to live life. I knew no other way. Right down to the unconscious level, I enabled and accommodated anything and everything that I, my husband, my children, my parents, my brothers and sisters, my relatives and my friends presented as truth. I was the prototypical “Enabler.” I thought this “daily sacrifice of self” was love. I lived a life where the world, the flesh and the devil ran the show. We lived a “mind over matter” approach to life. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” was our philosophy. (It most definitely wasn’t God’s Will or God’s Way. It was totally “human-centered.”)

I learned to be a slave to the noonday devil that hid its presence in the noonday sun. I thought I was moving towards Light, but in reality was going deeper into darkness. I lived a life thinking that it was my job to perfect this “life-model.”

Today I know that love has a foundation of truth and freedom. Love creates and tends to life. The vocation of Love was what Jesus was imparting to Peter in the last chapter of John’s gospel (Chapter 21) right before Jesus ascended into heaven when he asked Peter, three times, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” Jesus told Peter: “Feed my lambs.” “Tend my sheep.” “Feed my sheep.” Today I have learned that there is another way. I have the freedom to choose to live in God’s Will. Jesus taught us the Way of Love when He taught us the “Our Father: “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” When we live God’s Will we have heaven on earth.

 

© Curran & Associates

Myth to Mystery: a soul’s pilgrimage from “shining darkness” through the dark night to daybreak and Christmas dawning. © Curran & Associates