Codependence → Independence→Interdependence→Dependence on God
As I begin writing this spiritual autobiography, the canticle that the Blessed Mother sang from the depths of her soul when she went to visit Elizabeth comes to mind. The Magnificat is recorded in the first chapter of Luke’s Gospel. The depths of my being echo Mary’s very words: “The Lord who is mighty has done great things for me and Holy is His Name.”
During my early childhood, the Creator’s image and likeness was stamped out and replaced with images and likenesses that reflected the wishes and desires of men, especially my parents. My belief is that the very same thing happened to each of them. The spirituality of our home did not have God at the center. We spent a lot of time going to Church; our religion was God-centered but our spirituality was worldly, appearance-based, attention-seeking. . The “domestic church” was not a concept we embraced in our home. Both parents did the best they could given the damged childhoods they endured. They were addicted to many things, one they shared was addiction to alcohol.
A dear friend tells a story about hearing the voice of a spirit that was being cast out of a young woman during a deliverance session. The voice said, “You may have gotten rid of me, but I have forever destroyed the face of Jesus Christ within this young woman.” An image came to his mind of a mirror that had been shattered into many slivers with Light moving on the broken slivers. This story resonated deep within me. it took me a couple of years to realize that I had suffered similar damage. My denial mechanisms are pretty powerful because I need them so to survive. The “disfiguring” of the face of Christ happened to all the children in my family and the way I see it has been happening for generations. Abuse couched as discipline created a climate of fear. We children learned early on that we had no power or say. We were slaves to the dictates of the system. This certainly set the stage for living my life with disordered priorities. People-pleasing came first. My childhood survival system forged a way to live life centered on pleasing others, especially my parents. God-pleasing, as a conscious choice, came only after the desires of my parents were met. As I recount the chapters of my life’s story, I will attempt to show how the traumas of early childhood set me on a life-course centered on people-pleasing as part of ny survival system. I would not become aware of the “colateral damage” done to me and by me to others for a good forty years after the damage had been done. Not until then would I be able to begin to dismantle this way of living even though I struggled with it from the very beginning. When I began to see what had happened, I had to break completely with the old way and wait on the Lord to lead and teach me His Way. I needed to be born again of water and the Spirit. The re-birthing process took 10 years. I surrendered all that I was–in the hope that I could become the person God created me to be. The time for me to pick pick up my cross and lay down my life had arrived. Step by step , He led me and I learned to follow him, over time. . I shrunk from what faced me. I fell a thousand times or more. I made many, mistakes and took many mis-steps. This path was literally “killing” me. Looking back I see that it was the only way for the “me of me” to finally be set free. At the time, however, it felt as if the exact opposite were happening. I felt like I was dying. the reality is I was beginning to Live. The journey from darkness to Light begian by my being set free from the prison of Codependence (my mind’s “implanted” operating system system) to the freedom of Independence (as a human being) to the communion of Interdependence (with other human beings) to a relationship of total Dependence (on God for all things.)
Codependence → Independence→Interdependence→Dependence on God
© Curran & Associates
Posted by childofgod 